(edit: This post began with a C, and so I’m cheating and making it my first C post for the Pagan Blog Project. At least I’ll be caught up with the project if I post on time Friday!)
I have to admit something, to myself more than anything else. I have terrible anxiety problems. Now, I’ve known this forever. I tell people about it from time to time. I’ve just never accepted it to the fact of letting myself move forward. I’ve slowly starting working on lessening my panic attacks and anxiety, but just today I had a good friend over and in my nervousness (its rare to have someone to come visit me) I pretty much ruined the visit (which was her coming to say good bye to her dog who I’m dog sitting and who will be going to a new family later today). I seriously have to get better control of this, and I don’t want to have to go in for intense evaluations to just be told that I either a) need medicine that I’ll have to be on for the rest of my life or b) therapy sessions where I spend weeks talking about the same things without moving forward. I have to move forward, or I’m going to lose myself. And that prospect is frightening. I have to accept that fear, and make it into a weapon to help myself. Mold it to improve instead of hinder. This will be a task and a path, that like many things, will last the rest of my life. I’m already ruining friendships, potential relationships, and my familial relationships with the intensity of my anxiety or my antisocial tendencies. I’ve got to break this NOW!
This post was, if anything, true admittance of my problem. I’ve admitted it before, and accepted it, but now I have to defeat it. And I promise to myself that I will. Perhaps its time for a good affirmation ceremony to banish that anxiety during this waning moon…
❤ Nym
